


I Stand Alone

by sexyblueeyeddevils



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 03:39:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2907986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sexyblueeyeddevils/pseuds/sexyblueeyeddevils
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had made some horrendous mistakes in his life...this was not one of them.  For once, he had no regrets. For once, he was going to do the right thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Stand Alone

Was there much of a point in his existence at this juncture? His mission, their mission, a failure. Outcast. Annie; lost. Reiner; well, that was an interesting turn of events. He couldn’t say he was surprised that Reiner had made the choice to stay and fight with his friends, his family, his corps. 

He saw it gradually happening over the years, yet did nothing to stop it. Bertholdt mentioned their past once. Warriors, that’s what they were. No, not warriors. Soldiers. No, not soldiers. They were the sacrifice, the hope. They were failures, traitors. No, not they; only him. He was a failure to his people, a traitor amongst his ‘friends’. Reiner redeemed himself in the eyes of the general public after saving ‘humanities last hope’ even after all that he had done. Rescuing Eren was what deemed him worthy.

Bertholdt stood alone. He let Reiner go. What any good friend, lover would do, right? Instead of dragging him down keeping him from his full potential. His everything since he was five years old walked away and he let him. Reiner deserved better. Always had. 

Six months after leaving the wall, after ousting himself from the fold. After leaving everything he knew behind. They knew what he was. There was no going back. He did not care for humanity. He was still a warrior. A warrior without a purpose. He had killed numerous titans outside the walls but only for his own survival. Bertholdt had honed his skills, no longer afraid to take the initiative to do what needed to be done to survive. But that was all it was, survival. There was no purpose to it. He could not go back to his village with the mission unfulfilled. 

He didn’t even try to hide himself anymore. He wandered out in the open, cutting down any that opposed him. But for what? What was the point in going on? He had nothing left. It had been days since he had last slept. Even longer since his last meal. He wandered aimlessly.

There was a clearing amongst the heavily wooded area. A meadow of sorts, littered with blue and purple flowers. The sun shown down on the field beckoning him closer. He bade its call no longer caring if he lived or died. If a titan found him at least he was surrounded by nature’s beauty.

He snorted to himself at the ridiculous notation. Stripping himself of his gear, he plopped down in the middle of the meadow. The sun’s rays warmed his skin. A light breeze ruffled his hair. He leaned back, hand propping him up, head tilted towards the sky. He watched as several birds flew overhead. Breathing deep and closing his eyes he took in the sounds around him. Or the lack there of. ‘Well, this is it then.’ Everything was calm. The breeze rustled the leaves in the surrounding trees. Not a bad way to go. Could be a lot worse. Then he heard it. They weren’t loud, subtle, maybe even cautious, but Bertholdt could feel the vibration they made on the ground under him all the same. 

There was a pause in the footfall. At the edge of the meadow. His eyes remained closed. If the beast wanted him, he wouldn’t fight. The thumping of the ground came closer until it stopped directly in front of him. The shadow of the titan blocked out the sun’s warmth. Pity, he was enjoying basking in its golden rays. He waited. He could sense the hand that reached out for him before it made contact. One oversized digit pushed him on his shoulder and Bertholdt slowly opened his eyes. 

He was not ready for what met him. 

There crouched down in the middle of the meadow was a twelve meter titan staring at him curiously. It nudged him again almost testing to see if he was really there. Large brown eyes looked him over. Was it checking to see if he was injured? It came closer hunkering down so it could get a better look at the man sitting in front of it. Dark brown hair fell across its forehead. He vaguely got the sense of familiarity. Pulling back abruptly, a deep rumble erupted from its throat. That shocked Bertholdt, and put him on offense. So it was intelligent. Did it recognize him? Oh, no. what if it took him back to his village? He scrambled to his feet. The titan alerted to the sudden movement returned its focus to Bertholdt. And then it did the oddest thing, something he had never seen another coherent titan do before. It smiled. Not a dangerous or lecherous smile, but kind and gentle.

Slowly as not to frighten Bertholdt, the titan cupped its hands around him, gently scooping him up. Bringing him closer to its face, Bertholdt thought, ‘this is it, it’s going to eat me.’ But instead of shoving him in its mouth, the titan brought him so he was eye level. Hesitantly, Bertholdt decided trying to communicate couldn’t hurt. “Do—do you know me?”

The titan nodded its head. Bertholdt scrunched his brows in concentration looking over the titans face to see if he recognized it. He hadn’t known many shifters, none that had survived long. And then he noticed them. It suddenly became so clear who this was as he stared at the light brown flecks scattered across its face. Standing up in the hands that held him, Bertholdt reach out and ran his long fingers across the titan’s cheek. “Marco?” The freckled titan nodded again. “Holy shit. Marco.” Bertholdt muttered. His hands touching Marco’s other cheek, his nose, his hair. “How?” Marco moved suddenly causing Bertholdt to fall back into his hands. He realized that he was being cradled to Marco’s chest. Laughing he patted his hard skin. “Yeah, I’m glad to see you too.” 

The titan brought him out again so he could look at him. “Marco, can you shift back to your human form?” He looked at Bertholdt confused. “You don’t know what I’m talking about do you?” The gentle titan shook his head. ‘Damn.’ Bertholdt realized he had a new purpose now. “Can you put me down so I can get my gear?” 

Marco set him gingerly on the ground where he found him. Bertholdt quickly strapped on his gear, however, not fast enough. Marco stretched to his full height and growled lowly directing his attention to their right. 

A ten meter burst through the tree line heading directly towards them. There was a deafening roar before the gentle titan intercepted the rampant titan. Bertholdt stood watching as Marco made quick work of the errant beast. It was savage, brutal, breathtaking. The anger that poured forth from Marco was almost comparable to Eren in his rogue form. When he deemed it safe, Marco came back to Bertholdt, scooped him up and headed out of the clearing.

Nestled close to the titan’s chest, Bertholdt found himself relaxing into Marco’s hold. Warmth and safety fell upon him like a comforting blanket, lulling him into a deep slumber. When he awoke he was still cradled in Marco’s hands. The titan staring off into the distance. Bertholdt studied him closely choosing not to move from his current position. He pondered how Marco had even come to be a titan. Especially after Jean had found his remains. He would never forget how his friend cried and hurt over Marco’s death. Bertholdt did what he could to comfort Jean, feeling more than partially responsible for his death, even if it was Annie who killed him. 

He had never been in his titan form for very long and had no idea how it would affect the mind if stuck like this for so long. Ymir said it had been sixty years before she…he couldn’t finish the thought. He wouldn’t let Marco suffer that long. He wasn’t sure how he would go about it, but he knew he had to help Marco. 

Sensing that he was being watched, Marco gazed down at Bertholdt. Tilting his head to the side, he seemed to ask what was wrong. Human Marco had always been so perceptive of others. It seemed his titan was no less observant. Bertholdt stood in his hand and proceeded to climb up his arm until he reached his shoulder. Having been in this same position many times with Reiner made his heart ache. He shook it off and looked out to where Marco was staring. 

The Wall was in plain sight. There was a longing that pulled at his heart and he knew that Marco felt the same. “You belong with them.” Marco bowed his head. The sorrowful look that passed over his face tore at Bertholdt’s conscious. He knew what he was and therefore didn’t belong with the humans beyond the Wall. Bertholdt steeled his resolve, he would make this right. Marco deserved it. 

Jean deserved it.

Bertholdt stayed with Marco for several days before making his mind up to return to the Wall. Marco held him in his hands, like he had so many times before. “I’ll be back soon as I can. I need you to stay here. Can you do that for me?” The titan nodded, still seemingly confused. “Please trust me. I will return soon.” Even though he knew he had to do this, Bertholdt was reluctant to leave. “Are you going to be safe here?” Marco looked to consider the question. Straightening to his full height, he nodded and set Bertholdt down on the ground.   
He gave Marco a final glance before taking off in the direction of the Wall. Knowing that transforming would attract more attention to the inhabitants behind the safety of Maria, he decided it was necessary in order to make better time. “Good, let them come.” 

Once he was outside of the huddle of trees that concealed the Gentle Titan’s existence he let loose his own titan. They would see him coming for sure. Although the Colossal Titan’s form was slow and cumbersome, it covered a lot of ground in a short amount of time. Other titans he encountered left him alone. Maybe because of the sheer size of his form. 

He knew that the garrison had seen him as soon as the first cannon fire shot his way. It would take a lot more than that to bring him down. Once he reached the wall, he shed his titan. Steam masked his entrance into the Wall, however, Bertholdt knew they would still be looking for him. His physical appearance had changed little since he left. He now sported a long black coat that still managed to only meet the back of his calves. Black gloves covered his long fingers. He walked down the main streets unchallenged for the time being, making no effort to disguise himself. Determination the only feature he held. He would not kill. That was not his goal, he had done enough to last three lifetimes over. He needed to reach his objective, retrieve it and be gone. 

As predicted they came for him. He was a whirlwind of power, taking on three foes at a time, disabling them within minutes. His blades twisting with practiced ease embolden by his warrior training; the skills that were beaten into him as a child. All he encountered, he cut down in a matter of seconds, but not to kill. He only incapacitated them. Bertholdt knew he was being watched, and that was fine. He would deal with them if need be. The shifter focused on his goal, calling forth his warrior training, incorporating it with the skills he learned as a soldier. 

He saw her out of the corner of his eye and had just enough time to react by blocking her blade from cutting his shoulder. Hate and justice poured forth from the powerhouse that was Mikasa Ackerman. Bertholdt knew her moves and countered each as swiftly as they were brought down on him. They were a blur to the naked eye. Both a force to be reckoned with; holding within a fire to destroy and exterminate. Blades connected with sparks flying in raw hate from one, the resolve to reach his goal from the other. 

Steam rose from the wounds that Mikasa managed to inflict. Bertholdt still managed to keep her at bay, causing little damage of his own. However, he was no closer to his objective and if he didn’t know any better, he would say she was stalling. He retreated, and she followed. Predictable. Turning on her suddenly he managed to catch her off guard with a swift kick to the chest. Winded she rolled out of the way of his blades, but he was too quick. Bertholdt was on her before she had a chance to upright. Slamming her into the ground, he shoved his blades through her upper arms and into the ground, missing the bone completely. Mikasa screamed as he released the blades from their handles. 

He stood over her as she panted. Teeth gritted together as she struggled to get up. “Stay down.” 

“You are never going to take him again!” She hissed.

“I’m not here for Eren.” He watched her struggle, completely aware of the soldiers closing in on him. 

Trying again she spat, “Reiner is one of us now. He won’t go with you willingly.” Her words cut into him slicing his heart more than any piece of steel could. If he saw Reiner now it would only complicate his plan anyway.

“Do not presume to know my intent. He made his choice, I will not deny him that.” Crouching down over her until he was mere inches from her face, he clued her into the real reason he was here. “Where is Jean Kirstein?” 

Mikasa’s eyes widened and she began struggling to get her footing. Standing to his full height he tilted his head, ‘Huh...so she finally managed to have feelings for him.’ Bringing his right foot down hard on her left thigh, he heard the snap of fragile bone. Mikasa cried out at the crunch of bone under his weight. “I said,” His brows creased, “stay down.” She bit back the pain, panting heavily. “Where is he, Mikasa?” At the lack of response, Bertholdt sighed. “If you tell me where he is, no one has to die.” He waited for a reply. None came. “Suit yourself.” Gathering up her blades he walked away leaving her pinned to the ground. 

It wasn’t long before Jean showed himself. Rage filled his strong features. However, he didn’t attack Bertholdt. 

The shifter knew they would never try to take him down while this deep within the Wall’s limit. They were just biding their time, waiting, observing. The humans had just started to repopulate this area. They wouldn’t risk the destruction again.

“What do you want?” Jean demanded blades at the ready.

“I need you to come with me.” Jean snorted and Bertholdt continued. “I cannot explain why. If I do, it will endanger him.”

“Him who? Your boyfriend over here? He has us to protect him now. He doesn’t need you.” Jean spat. His words hitting their mark. There was a slight twitch of Bertholdt’s right eye. 

“Thank you for the grim reminder. I’m not talking about him, Jean. I’m talking about someone you use to hold dear.” Looking back over his shoulder then back to Jean. “But I see he was replaced.”

Jean growled and charged at the taller man dropping his blade to hit him with his fist instead. Bertholdt stopped the incoming fist with his hand, gripping Jean by the straps across his chest pulling him closer. “Jean, I found Marco and he needs your help.” 

Jean pushed away stumbling back, eyes wide with shock and pain. “You lie! I found his decaying body myself. Why would you—what do you really want?”

He closed the distance between them, “I want to right a wrong. I know there were many but this one I can at least see comes to fruition.” Bertholdt knew he only had one shot at this, “Jean, I’m not asking on my behalf. This is for him.” He could see the man he once called a good friend struggling between his emotions and his duty. “If it’s not him or I cannot help him, then I will return with you and turn myself in.” 

“Annie’s gone.” Jean said, his tone bland.

“I know.” Bertholdt stated. Jean was trying to trip him up to find an anterior motive. He had run into Annie over a month ago. Reaching her father was her only goal now. She had no loyalty to anyone but herself. She had made that painfully clear. 

“How do I know you aren’t lying?” Jean’s eyes narrowed.

“You don’t. I can’t ask you to trust me. Just think about him, Jean.” Bertholdt straightened, feeling the walls closing in. He watched as Jean’s eyes darted over his shoulders giving away his comrades positions. He tightened his grip on his blade, the other reaching inside his coat pulling out a knife tucking it in his sleeve. Jean nodded minutely and brought new blades up to clash with Bertholdt’s. “Make it look real.” He hissed quietly when they were locked close together. Jean pushed away trying to kick Bertholdt’s leg out from under him. This was something they had practiced in training. Bertholdt twisted out of his way bringing his blade to catch Jean in the side. Jean leaped out of the way ducking down low catching Bertholdt in the hip with the tip of his sword. Steam rose from the wound as Bertholdt caught the blade, dropping his own and pulled Jean towards him the knife pressed to his throat. “Good. Now drop it.” Jean did as he was told. 

Quickly removing one glove, shoving it in his pocket, he flipped out the small spike the ring on his index finger held hidden. Positioning himself behind Jean, blade still at his neck, he forced him towards the gates. The Garrison that had closed in on them parted as they stared daggers into his skull. He could care less. ‘Just don’t let ‘him’ try to stop me’ Bertholdt pleaded. Reiner would be his undoing. No, not this time. He had to do this for Macro, for Jean. 

He could hear Eren screaming words of hate at him from a distance and for Jean to be strong that they would come for him. Bertholdt scoffed. Jean mimicked him. “You’d think we were best buds now.” The gate opened as they neared only far enough so they could slip out.

“Are you and Mikasa a thing now?” Bertholdt muttered in his ear.

“Fuck you, Bertholdt!” 

“Good, I’d hate this to be for nothing.” Bertholdt explained what would happen when they left the Wall. He would shift and carry him back to where Marco was hidden.

“They’ll be able to track you.”

“True, but it will take some time. I might be slower, but I travel distance a lot faster than they could.” The gate closed behind them. “Plus, I’m counting on them.” Holstering the knife, he flicked his finger across the spike triggering his titan form. 

Jean dodged the lightening and blast of steam. It was the most awe inspiring thing he had ever seen. He squinted his eyes and watched as Bertholdt swiftly transformed into his titan form, shooting high up into the air while large strands of muscles wrapped and twisted around him. It all happened within seconds. 

When he got his bearings he looked on as the Colossal Titan swipe his long arm across the top of the wall again destroying the restored stronghold. This time it wasn’t for the titans, but for Jean’s protection as he carried him. Lowering one enormous arm towards him, Jean hooked his gear into the titan’s hand pulling him up into its palm. Bertholdt cradled his hand near his midsection to insure Jean’s protection. 

Jean’s heart pounded in his chest. Holding onto one of the Colossal Titan’s fingers he looked out across the vast expanse of land. He had never seen it from this level. It went on forever.   
He could see random titans here and there, not feeling threatened by their presence as they seemed to steer clear of the titan he clung to. 

It was beautiful. He could see a vast coppice of trees, not as tall as previous forests he hand been in, but large none the less. It seemed that is where they were heading. 

He sweat heavily at the heat that emitted from the titan. He craned his head back to look up at it. Steam constantly flowed from its exposed flesh. Thinking back he realized that this was probably why Bertholdt always sweat so much. It was odd to think that the quiet unassuming boy that he spent over three years with was the mass murderer that brought the plague of titans within their protected walls. At times it was still hard to wrap his mind around it. Reiner hadn’t gone into much detail about being the Armored Titan or his life at all before becoming a trainee. What he did mention always had Bertholdt right by his side. However, he acted as if Bertholdt had not only betrayed all of humanity but him as well. He had heard Hange mention something about post-traumatic stress disorder and that he might be trying to block that part of his life in favor of the one he created himself.

Turning forward again he could see that the grove was a hell of a lot closer now. The titan came to a stop and lowered Jean to the ground. Sheading his titan form Bertholdt stepped out of the billowing steam towards Jean. He looked utterly exhausted. Seeing Eren after his shift he knew it wasn’t easy. Most of the time he would pass out or have to be hauled out of his titan. Bertholdt stood tall and sure as they strode into the tree line, the dark circles under his eyes and heavy lids the only thing giving him away. 

He informed Jean that they wouldn’t need their gear, that Marco kept this area fairly titan free. “How do you know it’s him?” Jean was still in disbelief, but if it was Marco…

“When you see him, you will know. I’m hoping seeing you will be enough to pull him out of this form. I don’t know how much experience he had with shifting if any at all. He seems to think that he was always a titan, however, he remembered me. He’s been in it for almost eight months. Ymir was in hers for sixty years. I don’t want Marco to befall that fate.” 

 

They came to the spot where Bertholdt first met him. “Does he know what you and Reiner did?” Jean asked as he surveyed the area.

“No.” Bertholdt scanned the meadow throwing out his senses. “Not, yet.” They moved northwest when Bertholdt picked up the trail. “He will by the end of all this. One way or another, he will come back to you Jean.”

“You say that with such certainty.” Jean sounded skeptical.

Bertholdt looked over his shoulder and gave Jean a small smile. “It’s because I am.” They wandered towards a large rock formation that lead down to a small river. “Stay here. I don’t want to startle him. I’ll be only a moment. With that he took off around the great boulders. 

Jean didn’t know whether to be relieved or scared as hell. Marco a titan? It just didn’t make sense. But why else would Bertholdt drag him all the way out here at risk to his own life if he didn’t think Jean could help him.

Then he heard it. The rustling of underbrush, the silence of woodland creatures, the stomping of titan footfall. The ground shook as they came closer. He saw a large hand grip the bolder and then there they were. His heart was pounding so hard he thought it would burst through his chest and then it stopped completely when the titan poked his freckled face around the rock with Bertholdt on his shoulder. It was him. The same large brown pools that swam with kindness, the smattering of freckles across his cheeks and his now messy chocolate brown hair. Jean hit his knees and began to weep. 

The Gentle Titan paused and watched Jean with concern. Bertholdt patted his neck and spoke softly into his ear. “It’s ok, Marco. He’s just relieved to see you. Do you remember him?” 

Coming closer he crouched down in front of the broken man who shook with his wracking sobs. Bertholdt jumped down so Marco could lean in closer. He let the tips of his fingers glide over the top of ashen hair. Jean dropped the hands that covered his mouth. The titan tilted his head and smiled.

“J-j-j-j-e-e-a-a-a-n-n-n-n.” 

Jean completely lost it, leaning forward until his forehead touched the grass. He beat his fist into the ground at the sorrow he felt, the happiness, the joy, the frustration. He was alive, his Marco was alive. Sitting up quickly he threw his head back and screamed at the top of his lungs. “MARCO!!!”

Two giant hands scooped him up and held him close. “J-j-e-e-a-a-n-n.” Jean wrapped as much of his arms as he could around Marco’s neck. A content rumble left the titans throat vibrating through Jean’s body. He immediately started laughing hysterically through his tears. 

“Are-are you fucking purring?” Jean couldn’t believe it. Actually, yes he could. The big softy that Marco was. Marco just held him closer. 

Bertholdt sat down in the grass and watched the scene unfold. Smiling to himself, he thought this might just work, but had an aching feeling it would be a lot harder than he initially thought. He may actually have to go through with Plan B. Which was fine with him. He owed it to them. But for now he wouldn’t dwell on it. He would just bask in the happy glow of their reunion. 

Jean talked up a storm telling Marco all about everything that happened in the months he was missing, never mentioning Reiner, Annie or Bertholdt’s part in all that transgressed. Jean kept touching Marco’s face, tugging at his unruly hair to make sure he was real. His markings were similar to that of the Female Titan on his cheeks and neck, fuck if he cared. He was still his Marco. The Gentle Titan listened astutely. He noticed Bertholdt had left, but did not want to interrupt Jean as he told his stories. He had missed him terribly, but couldn’t help but feel like something was amiss. 

Hours later, he brought Jean to his face so they were eye level. Jean touched his freckled cheek reverently. He had stripped himself of his gear a while back letting it fall to the ground. He took notice of the concern in Marco’s eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Marco struggled to voice his concerns. He instead attempted to say Bertholdt’s name having some difficulty getting his name out.

“Bertholdt?” Jean questioned.

The Gentle Titan nodded.

Jean looked around noticing Bertholdt was nowhere in sight. He took a deep breath; Marco knew they were together before the fall. “He lost Reiner.” The titan pulled back and shook his head. “No, you misunderstand. Reiner didn’t die. He—they aren’t together anymore.” Marco bowed his head in sadness and held Jean closer. “Hey, it was something that had been coming for a while. Reiner wasn’t the same person Bertholdt grew up with.” It wasn’t a total lie. It was true. Reiner had betrayed Bertholdt just as much as Bertholdt had betrayed all of them. 

Jean cuddled into the crook of Marco’s neck. “Hey Marco, do you think you can shift back? You know, like Eren can?” He stroked the titan’s tough skin. “I miss you.” Marco made a sorrowful noise in his throat. “Yeah, I didn’t think so, but it was worth asking.” 

The sun began to set and Marco made his way back to the comfort of the bolder cavern. He set Jean on the ground and retreated inside. Jean watched Marco settle in and lay his head on the ground. Lovingly he brushed his fingers through his dark hair. Kind umber eyes slowly closed, a smile stretched across his lips. Jean kissed his forehead. “Goodnight, Marco.”

Jean left the cave following the light of the fire Bertholdt had built. The shifter was lost in thought, not noticing Jean’s arrival. Bertholdt’s expression was unguarded as he stared into the fire. He had wrapped his arms around his knees making himself as small as someone his size could. He eyes soulful, seeing much more than one person should, he carried the burden of being the Harbinger, the Angel of Death and Destruction. The depth of pain, lose, sorrow and self-loathing swam deep in his green eyes. The dancing fire only intensifying the misery he held within. 

Jean found it hard to actually hate Bertholdt for his part in this war. Not after he brought Marco back to him. Not after seeing him this way. Bertholdt always had horrible nightmares, he understood why now. He still couldn’t forgive him. But he couldn’t hate him either. 

Jean shuffled closer, pulling Bertholdt out of his thoughts. “Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s alright.” Bertholdt scrambled to his feet. “Here, I thought you might be hungry.” He handed over some meat that might have been rabbit and a bowl full of berries. He sat far away from Jean. It puzzled Jean why he kept his distance. If anything it should be Jean holding him at arm’s length. He accepted the food, giving his thanks and set into the meal. For a moment, he seemed like the same Bertholdt he had become friends with when they began their training. Watching him out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bertl slip back into his melancholy. “Why didn’t you go back to your village when you escaped?”

Bertholdt kept his eyes downcast. “There is nothing for me to go back to. “ Jean almost apologized. Almost. 

“You don’t have any family?” Jean pushed.

“They killed my family when I began my training. They murdered all of our families. Told us when we entered the program that we were the only family we needed now. That it was the humans that lived safely behind the walls that caused it.” Jean was left speechless, mortified even. “I was one of five; three sisters, one brother. My mother was pregnant with the sixth.” His face pinched in pain and anger. He stood suddenly and began to pace. Jean was beginning to get nervous that Bertholdt might turn his frustration and anger back on the people residing within the walls. Slowly he stood. His gear nowhere near him, he doubted he could stop Bertholdt if he tried. “Bert—“

“I never asked for this! I didn’t want people to die because of me!” The distraught man whirled on him. “I was a child! We all were. We were supposed to be playing and learning and getting into mischief. We weren’t supposed to be training to become killers! We weren’t supposed to be turned into monsters!!” Bertholdt yelled holding his head in his hands. “I just wanted to go home! To hear my mother tell me it was all a nightmare.” He dropped his hands defeated. “I just wanted to hear her voice again.”

Jean reached out for him, gripping his arm. Bertholdt glanced over at him. Jean’s face was stern but held something akin to pity. He snorted and deflated mentally exhausted at his outburst. He hadn’t told anyone how he felt, not even Reiner. “Jean, I don’t want your pity.”

“I’m not offering you pity. I’m letting you know, I understand. We don’t share the same childhood, but I get that this isn’t what you wanted. Conditioning is hard to break, no?”

“Not when it’s been beaten into you. Not when your free will has been taken from you.” 

“You have free will now.” Jean stated searching his eyes.

“Jean, I’m not going to attack the city again if that’s what you are worried about.” Bertholdt took a deep breath. “I’m going to help Marco even if it kills me.” He turned his head looking up at the night sky. “And it just might.” Calm and exhausted from the day’s events and his emotional rant he decided to call it a night. Settling on the ground, his head against his makeshift coat pillow he stared up at Jean. “You won’t have much time to try to get him out on his own before they come looking for you. If you can’t get him out before then, well, there’s the backup plan.”

Jean watched as heavy lids drifted closed. ”What’s the backup plan?”

Bertholdt tapped his temple then lowered his hand drifting off to sleep. 

Jean slept restlessly that night. The prior day’s events and new discoveries weighted heavily on his mind. He woke with Marco watching over him. Bertholdt was again nowhere to be found. His haunting words still troubled him.

He looked up at Marco who appeared to be staring at him upside down, smiling as freckled checks spread into a wide grin. Kinda creepy for a titan, but it was Marco so it didn’t freak him out. “Have you been watching me sleep?” The titan nodded and made a snorting sound. Jean gasped in false offense. “I do not snore!”

Giving him a deadpanned stare, Marco pointed to where Bertholdt had been sleeping and looked around innocently. “My snoring did not wake up Bertholdt Hoover.” Everyone knew Bertholdt could sleep through almost anything. Marco’s lip quirked to the side. “I don’t believe you. Hey—“

The titan gathered him up cradling him close to his chest. Any further protest was lost when he rested his head to Marco’s chest and heard his heart beating loudly. He strokes a hand across his thick skin thoughtfully. “Wish you would come out of there. I miss holding you. I mean, this is great and all, but I really miss spooning you. And hearing your voice. And kissing your lips.” Jean stopped himself before he could go further. The gentle titan released a sad hum. “Enough of that though. I’m just glad to have you back. Ya know?” Marco raised his hands towards his face so he could kiss the top of Jean’s head, making him laugh. “Ok, ok. Let’s find Bertholdt. I have some questions for him.”

They didn’t have to look far. There was a loud rumble of earth as a flock of birds quickly fled from the trees. Marco clutched Jean protectively to his chest and growled lowly. They edged closer to the meadow, through the opposite side they could see Bertholdt shooting through the trees evading and attacking four titans. Jean peered through Marco’s fingers watching Bertholdt intently. He had never seen this side of him in training. Bertholdt moved with grace and ease using the 3DMG to confuse the titans and lead them towards each other, throwing himself up in the air, spinning in a tight arc taking out two of them simultaneously. The third he seemed to toy with. The forth lingered back, watching. 

Shit. That one was aberrant.

Once he was done playing with the third titan, Bertholdt landed on a low branch, weapons loose in his hands, squaring up with the remaining titan. Marco set Jean down, out of harm’s way, much to his protest, before creeping along the outer edge of the tree line. He didn’t know if Bertholdt needed his help but wanted to be there in case he did. 

He didn’t. 

The last titan lunged for him, letting it get within a hairs breath of him, Bertholdt let himself fall backwards out of the tree, shooting the gear hooks high above the titan desperately clawing at him, he flipped, running up the outstretched arm that tried to snatch him out of thin air, swinging down low when the titan rammed itself into a tree trying to dislodge the pesky ‘human’ from completing his task. It looked like the titan might actually accomplish its goal when it grabbed ahold of one hook line. Bertholdt hit the emergency release on his gear, tucking into a roll before he hit the ground. Pushing back up into a full run he unsheathed two spare blades running up the trunk of closest tree, bouncing back and forth between two tight neighboring trees before launching himself at the titan again catching it in the side with one blade, using it as leverage to swing himself up towards the beasts nap. Quickly before the titan had time to react, he sliced into its neck, killing it instantly. Leaping off before it had crashed limply to the ground he tuck and rolled again coming to an upright position a few feet away from the fallen titan.

Jean was utterly flabbergasted. He had no idea Bertholdt was capable of anything even close to this level. ‘Warriors. He had mentioned that they were warriors.’ Is this what they trained children for in his village?

Bertholdt stood in a defensive stance, listening intently. His focus was on the sounds around him, the slightest movement amongst the trees, the rustle of the leaves, the shadows as they shifted around him. Turning abruptly, he was ready to react when Marco came into his vision. The titan was apprehensive as it watched Bertholdt. Out of instinct he clasped one hand over the back of his neck. Jean’s panicked voice carried on the wind as he raced closer. Deep brown eyes took in Bertholdt’s demeanor, relaxing minutely when the warrior slowly lowered his weapons to the ground. Marco dropped his hand from his neck and moved closer. 

The hardness of Bertholdt’s features plummeted into that of fatigue and despair as his shoulders slumped. Marco cupped his hands around him lifting him up. Bertholdt fell boneless in the security of his large hands. Scooping Jean up in one hand as he closed in on their position, Marco checked for any other impending dangers before heading back to his home in the large cavern. 

After Marco deposited them safely, he looks pointedly at Jean as if to say ‘you better fucking stay put this time’. Jean nods and Marco departs.

He glanced over at Bertholdt who was sitting with his arms loosely around his knees, head hanging between them. He was breathing harder than normal, but not out of breath. As usual he was sweating profusely. “What the hell was all that? I’ve never seen you move like that.”

Bertholdt swiped his hand over his face and peered up at Jean. “I was just keeping them away. Didn’t want them finding you or Marco.” 

“Bullshit. They didn’t teach that in training. Was, was that part of your warrior training?” Jean asked almost in awe.

The tall man hesitated. “Yes.”

“Can you teach me?” Jean asked excitedly.

“No.” Bertholdt stood. Jean deflated a bit. “I won’t teach you how I was taught. But I will show you what I learned.”

Marco appeared in the cavern and set Bertholdt’s gear down near his feet. Reaching out quickly he lightly gripped the retreating fingers. “Thank you Marco. I–I’m sorry if I frightened you.” His deep green eyes held the utmost sincerity and a hint of sadness.

The titan smiled softly and shrugged. Bertholdt smiled back before turning his attention back to Jean. “What do you want to learn first?”

“Fucking everything, but I guess we don’t really have time for all that, right?” Jean sobered.

“No, we don’t.” Bertholdt squared up with Jean. “They taught us quite a bit as soldiers so we can work with that. But first, you need to learn to use more of this,” He tapped Jean’s forehead. “and less of this.” Then pressed his hand to Jean’s heart before dropping it. “You are a very compassionate person, Jean, and it causes you to act before you think. It will also get you killed someday. I’m not saying you will need to stop feeling; it’s what makes you who you are. You can use reason and logic and still remain passionate.” Jean listened intently. “A ‘warrior’ should always be three steps ahead of their enemy. You must be able to think fast and react even quicker.”

Bertholdt shot his hand out to catch Jean upside the head. Jean blocked the move and the three that followed. The shifter kicked his long leg out to catch him in the thigh only to have Jean catch it and twist, knocking Bertholdt off balance and to the ground. “Good.” Jean reached out to help him up. Once standing, Bertholdt twisted Jean’s arm behind him, brandishing a knife to his throat. Head tilted toward his ear, “You must also know when and where compassion is warranted. Never against your enemy.” 

Jean gave him a side glance. “Are you my enemy, Bertholdt?”

Bertholdt released him taking a step back. Turning the hilt of the dagger, offering it up, “No, I am not your enemy Jean.”

Jean took the weapon staring him down. “Ok, use my head. Got it. What else?”

They practiced various techniques well into the late afternoon. Striping down to pants and boots. Both hot and sweaty, but refusing to take a break. Marco watched them for a while before deciding he didn’t like seeing his friends fight and wandered out into the meadow. Bertholdt insisted Jean not hold back.

“Colossal Titan, Remember? Strike harder!” Bertholdt yelled, taunting, “You want to kill me, don’t you? I destroyed your homes, your way of life. I took your safety. It was me! Come on!!!” 

Jean roared and came at him full force landing blow after blow. Steam rose from the wounds healing as fast as Jean delivered them. Bringing the knife down towards the shifters chest, his wrist was caught a fraction of an inch before piercing dark skin. Tossing the blade to the other hand he tried to stab it in Bertholdt’s side. Strong fingers swiftly wrapped around his wrist in a bone crushing grip. Jean groaned and gritted his teeth as the weapon was shaken from his hand. 

Determination and pure tenacity pulsed through him. Narrowing hard amber eyes he leapt up bracing his feet against Bertholdt’s thighs and head-butted him as hard as he could. Bertholdt stumbled backwards releasing Jean’s wrists, who then scrambled for the dagger. Swiping his leg out at the shifter knocking him to the ground, he quickly straddled him with the point of the knife pressed to the hollow of his throat.

Bertholdt panted in shock. A slow grin turned into a full out laugh. “Well done!” Jean backed off as Bertholdt sat up, “Excellent use of your opponents own body to your advantage.” He rubbed his forehead. “Definitely did not see that coming.”

Jean stood with his hands bracketing his knees as he tried to slow his breathing. “You were holding out.”

Nodding, he confirmed. “I’m not trying to kill you.”

Jean deadpanned. “Thanks.” He watched Bertholdt wipe the sweat from his face and studied him for a moment. “Why the hell do you have to be the Colossal Titan?”

Green eyes met his own briefly before he hung his head. “Believe me, it wasn’t by choice.”

Jean’s brows drew together in frustration. “It’s just that, you’re Bertholdt. The quiet guy who’s too shy to speak up unless directly spoken to. The nervous guy who sweats too much, always seemed to be worried about something—“ Jean straightened. “That’s it. That’s why you kept your distance. You were afraid you’d let it slip who you really were. Holy shit.”

Bertholdt twisted his fingers together that laced over his knees. “Partially. I never wanted to get too close to anyone.”

“Because of your mission. Is that why you always hung back observing everyone?” Bertholdt nodded.

“It is a very fine line we walk. You saw how easy it was for Reiner to cross over.” The giant sighed and stood. “It would have been easy to lose myself in the life I crave; the type of existence I was supposed to have.”

“So why didn’t you just follow Reiner’s lead?” Jean asked standing next to him as they watched Marco laid out in the meadow; birds nesting in his hair. 

“It just wasn’t possible for me. Knowing what I’ve done—“ he choked and cleared his throat trying to cover his misstep. 

“You feel too guilty to try to lead a normal life.” Jean filled in for him.

“Very much so.” He said in a hushed tone.

Jean nodded. “What’s ‘Plan B’?” Changing the subject, which Bertholdt was thankful for.

“Direct and to the point as ever.” Bertholdt walked down to the stream relieved that the stroll down memory lane was over.

Jean shrugged and followed. “Life’s short. Why beat around the bush?”

Bertholdt hummed thoughtfully. Striping down he waded into the water until he was waist deep. Dipping under the cool rush of water he reemerged and turned to see Jean chest deep and scrubbing at; his hair, dipping backwards he popped back up with his hair slicked back. 

“So ‘Plan B’?”

Bertholdt rolled his eyes. “If Marco cannot willingly remove himself from his titan form, then he’ll have to eat a titan shifter in order to bring him back to himself.”

Jean blinked a few times. “What? Who?” Bertholdt just stared back at him. “You?”

“Yes me.”

“But he won’t do it.” Jean balked.

“Then you have to convince him to do it. You’ll have to tell him who I am.”

“Bertholdt, I’m not going to—“

“Do you want him back or not?” The agitation was clear in his voice. “When they come for you, he has to consume me or they will kill him. It’s that simple. They won’t care that he’s Marco. To them, he’s just another titan.”

Jean pressed his lips together in a thin line. His mind wandered, trying to come up with another possibility when it hit him. “That’s why you came for me, you knew this would happen. That he couldn’t do it on his own.”

“Three steps ahead.” Jean humphed at his response. ”Who else could I trust with Marco’s safety? No one else would believe me.”

“Ok, so what do we do then?”

Bertholdt swam around on his back for a moment. “You will protect his neck while I fight them off, then when I give the signal you’ll tell him I’m the one who destroyed humanity.”

“Could you stop taking about yourself like that?” Jean snipped. “You’re about to die to save my boyfriend. Stop hating yourself for once and just live a little.”

Bertholdt snorted at the irony. “Easier said than done, Jean.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Jean sighed. “Plan sounds simple enough. Get Marco angry enough to eat you. Think Reiner will be there?” 

Bertholdt was quiet, lost in thought before taking a deep breath. Yes, he’ll be there. The Corps probably think he’ll be the only one to take me down. I’m actually counting on it.” He muttered the last bit.

“They were watching you that day. And Reiner talked. I don’t know what he said, but he’s been spending a lot of time with the Command.” Jean swam back to the water’s edge and sat on his jacket letting himself dry. Bertholdt waded back to the bank. Spreading his jacket out near Jean he took his seat. 

Jean studied Bertholdt as he rested his chin on his drawn up knees. He still couldn’t wrap his mind around it. He appeared calm enough, maybe a little resolute about his fate. Almost relieved. “Thanks. In case I don’t get the chance to say it.”

Bertholdt turned his head still resting on his knees and nodded once. “You’ve always been a good friend Jean. You deserve to be happy. Marco too.”

“What about you?”

The shifter gave a small sad smile. “I was; briefly, but that is not my fate.” Closing his eyes he let the sun warm his skin.

Jean scowled. Fate fucking sucks. He huffed. “So what’s it like? Shifting, I mean.” Trying to once again change the subject. All of this made him so damned unnerved.

“It feels like every fiber of your being is being shredded and the reassembled even though you’re never physically torn apart; more so mentally I suppose. It happens so quickly. If not careful the shifter can become lost to their titan; like Eren and Ymir.” Bertholdt stated.

“That sucks.”

Bertholdt hummed in agreement. “Wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Especially since our only goal is to destroy.”

They heard heavy foot steps behind them and a frustrated groan. Marco plopped down next to them and breathed a heavy sigh. Jean was about to ask what was wrong when Bertholdt burst out laughing. A multitude of birds had made their nests in Marco’s unruly hair.

Jean started cackling. “Aww, Marco you’ve made some new friends.” The titan groaned and waved his hands around his head attempting to dislodge the birds from his hair. The birds would scatter only to return moments later settling back in and chirping loudly.

Both men laughed at his misfortune. No one had really ever heard Bertholdt laugh. This is the second time he graced Jean with the sound. It was nice. Marco gave them a pleading stare and groaned again.

“Ok, ok. We’ll help you out. Come on Bertl.” Jean smiled as he pulled on his pants. When they were dressed Marco laid down, head resting on his arms as they picked the nests out of his hair and placed them in random trees.

The next few days were uneventful. Bertholdt continued to show Jean the ways of the warrior and his brash friend soaked it up like a sponge. He made Jean swear to show Marco as well as Sasha and Connie when all of this was over. The shifter tried to enjoy their company but remained on edge as each day drew to a close.

Jean and Bertholdt sat at the entrance to Marco’s cavern. The rain coming down in sheets. The sound was relaxing, tranquil. The Gentle Titan had been sluggish and rather tired. Bertholdt made mention to Jean that this wasn’t a good sign. Jean watched over Marco with concern. “Will he become feral?” Bertholdt didn’t know. It didn’t matter. They wouldn’t have to wait much longer. If the Survey Corps didn’t come looking for them soon, he would set something in motion himself. 

“Berrrrrr” Bertholdt turned his attention away from the rain outside and smiled at Marco. That was as close as he could get to saying his name. The Gentle Titan sleepily made a request of his fellow titan. He patted at his own throat, opened his mouth gesturing his hand up and outward.

“Marco, I don’t know.” Bertholdt blushed as a light sheen of sweat appeared on his nervous brow. A low whine left the titans throat. Large russet eyes gave him a pleading stare, which he held until Bertholdt looked back up at him. The shifter sighed and nodded. A squeal of delight reverberated off the walls of the enclosure.

“What’s he want?” Jean asked curiously.

“He wants me to sing.” Bertholdt blushed a deep red.

“You sing?” Jean quirked a brow comically.

Bertholdt dipped his head sheepishly. “Not when people are listening. Marco snuck up on me one day.”

Jean smirked and gestured towards Marco. “His big ass snuck up on you?” The titan made a disgruntled noise. “No offense babe.”

“I was lost in thought at the time.” He cleared his throat. Marco came closer as Bertholdt began. The titan poked him interrupting. “Not that one?” He began with a different tune. Marco poked him again. “No? Which one?” A melodic rumble left his throat, it was rough but Bertholdt knew the song well. He gazed out of the caves mouth watching the rain steadily pour down and began again.

‘A light in the room  
It was you who was standing there  
Tried it was true  
As your glance met my stare

 

But your heart drifted off   
Like to land split by sea   
I tried to go, to follow  
To kneel down at your feet

I’ll run, I’ll run….I’ll run, run to you   
I’ll run, I’ll run….I’ll run, run to you’

Jean leaned against Marco’s arm which supported his head in his hand. They looked on as Bertholdt continued to sing. His legs crossed, one arm absently rubbing the other, lost in song.

‘I’ve been settling score  
I’ve been fighting so long  
But I’ve lost your war  
And now our kingdom is gone

 

How shall I win back   
Your heart which was mine  
I have broken bones and tattered clothes  
I’ve run out of time’

A large tear fell from his lashes and streaked down his cheek. The dam broken, they now fell freely.

‘I’ll run, I’ll run….I’ll run, run to you  
I’ll run, I’ll run….I’ll run, run to you’

He tilted his head back, wrapping both arms around his waist, rocking slowly. Pain and heartache bled into the words as his voice rose.

‘I will break down the gates of heaven  
A thousand angels stand waiting for me   
Oh, take my heart and I’ll lay down my weapons  
Break my shackles to set me free’

He curled in on himself, his dark hair dusted the ground. Softly he sang the last bit of chorus.

‘I’ll run, I’ll run….I’ll run, run to you  
I’ll run, I’ll run….I’ll run, run to you’

The cave fell silent after Bertholdt finished his song except the occasional sniffle. Jean wiped away his own tears and crawled over to Bertholdt slowly pulling him into his arms. A choked sob left his throat and Marco picked them up cradling them close.

“You miss him?” 

Bertholdt let Jean card his fingers through his hair as he leaned on his shoulder. “I’m still human, Jean. I still hurt. I still bleed. I still feel.” His words were fragile. “He’s all I’ve ever known.” 

Jean had no words, just held him closer. The three stayed huddled together until Bertholdt abruptly stood up and jumped down from Marco’s arms. Jean called after him as he exited the grotto. The rain still coming down hard. Jean made to follow when Marco closed his hand around him keeping him in place. Jean looked up questioningly at him. The titan shook his head sorrow mirrored in his expressive eyes. Jean nodded and settled against Marco’s chest his eyes trained on the opening. 

Light shown into the dwelling. Jean’s eyes struggled to open, he could hear a distant rumbling. The more he struggled into the world of the living he became alerted to the fact that the growling came from under him. He stirred and tried to stand. His head met the enclosed hand over him. Marco growled lowly. Jean called out to him with no response. He called out louder and hit his fist against Marco’s chest. 

The Gentle Titan uncurled his hand slowly. There was a commotion outside. The forest and field they stayed in was bustling with nervous energy. “Marco!” The titan looked down at Jean, his eyes hard and heated. Jean shrunk back. Marco unfurled his fingers so Jean could jump down but prevented him from leaving the safety of the cave. “Marco, what’s going on?” Of course he couldn’t tell him. “You have to let me out. What if Bertholdt is in trouble?” Shit could they already be here? Dammit!

Jean darted out of the cave when Marco moved enough for him to squeeze through. DAMMIT! 

Bertholdt was engaged in battle with several members of the Survey Corps. He was fending them off no problem. Assessing the situation, he could see a few members of the 104 hanging back. Where was Reiner? Shit! He spotted him closing in. Marco followed Jean out of the cave, his presence set everyone on high alert. “Marco!” Jean had enough sense to grab up his gear before going into the fray. 

The titan saw many faces he recognized and even more he didn’t. His gaze met Jean’s when he called his name. He bent down to scoop him up. His intent misconstrued as one of malice set several members of the Corps after him. He backed away before he was able to grab Jean, hand instinctively going to protect his neck. 

Jean cursed loudly hooked his gear into Marco’s arm swinging himself up on his shoulder. “Marco! They don’t know who you are. They don’t understand!” Jean positioned himself at the back of Marco’s neck when the titan let his arm drop to swat at the incoming threat. Jean hooked his gear into the back of neck protecting his nape. Swords drawn ready to defend Marco at any cost. This was happening too fast. He had to make sure he kept Bertholdt in sight. 

“Marco, stay with Bertholdt. Don’t hurt anyone, just stay close.” Marco grunted as he tried to keep the soldiers at bay. 

“Ay, Jean!” 

He turned his head swiftly. “Connie!”

“What the hell are you doing? Have you become a traitor too?” Connie yelled as he flung up onto Marco’s shoulder.

“Connie, it’s Marco. The titan is Marco!” Jean shouted.

“What?!” Connie was genuinely confused.

“Look at him! It’s Marco! He can’t shift back. He’s not trying to hurt anyone. He’s just scared.” ‘Come on Connie. Come on.’

Connie stared at the titan, large brown eyes shifted towards him. He jumped back almost losing his footing. “Holy shit, Marco!” 

Jean breathed a sigh of relieve but they weren’t out of the woods just yet. “Connie, you have tell the other to stay away from him. Keep the fight on Bertholdt.”

Connie nodded and departed to relay the message. Jean peered over Marco’s shoulder to survey what was going on between Bertholdt and, shit, Reiner. 

They fought fiercely. Meeting blow for blow, every swipe of a blade blocked. It was hard to keep up with their movement. They moved almost as if they were choreographed. They were strong, fluid, graceful, powerful, deadly. Locking blades the titans stared each other down. Bertholdt pushed away and they stood glaring at each other. 

“How could you betray us Bertholdt?”

“How could I? How could you?” Bertholdt’s face pinched in pain and sadness. “You use to love me. Do you remember none of it?”

“You are delusional.” Reiner gritted out with steel conviction. “I never loved you.” 

Bertholdt’s shoulders slumped defeated. He sighed deeply before resuming his battle stance his features hardening. “Then that makes this that much easier.” Glancing over his shoulder briefly, he spotted Marco and Jean. They were close, but not close enough. He had to get Reiner to move towards them. He ran at Reiner full force bringing his sword down over his head. The ‘Armored Titan’ blocked and countered. Letting Reiner get the upper hand until he had backed him with in arms reach of Marco, he yelled for Jean. Brief eye contact was made with him before he put everything he had into attacking Reiner. 

No longer hiding his shifter abilities. Every strike Reiner made left a hiss of steam healing the wound. He prayed the two blades he had would be enough to set this in motion. He left his gear behind knowing Marco would need it.

“Marco! Marco, listen to me! Bertholdt has been lying to us. He’s not who he pretended to be. He’s the Colossal Titan! He’s the one responsible for destroying the Walls. He let the titans in the cities.” Jean was trying his dammedest to convince him who Bertholdt was, Marco wasn’t buying it. 

“Look at him, Marco! He’s trying to kill our friends. Everything was a lie!” Bertholdt was releasing quite a bit of steam at this point. “Marco, you have to kill him. You have to eat him! That’s the only way to destroy him and protect us all.” Marco was hesitating. Fuck this isn’t working. Jean unhooked himself from Marco swinging down low near the ground and into a full run at Bertholdt. 

Bertholdt swiped at Reiner catching him across his midsection, pushing him with as much force as he could muster before turning his attention to Jean. Reiner fell to the ground hard cracking his head against a rock, temporarily dazed. 

“What are you doing?” Bertholdt hissed. 

“He’s hesitating. Come at me!” Jean prompted. Bertholdt flung himself at Jean. 

‘Remember what I taught you dammit.’ Jean countered him swiftly, blocking each incoming blow, playing defense. Bertholdt caught Jean across the cheek with the tip of his sword as the shorter man stumbled backwards. Several of his colleagues shouted for him. Bertholdt advanced on him as Jean crawled backwards. The roar that came from behind him sent a wave of relieve through Bertholdt. “Move.” He gritted out sharply. Jean scurried out of the way of his blade as it broke off into the ground from the force he put behind it. It had to look real. ‘Come on Marco.’ He raised his hand to bit into it…

Reiner shook his head as he stood up trying to get his bearings. He heard a loud yelp. Shaking his head again he looked around, stumbling. The pained scream brought him back to himself. ‘Bertholdt.’ What? What the hell was going on? He stared up at the dark shadow that loomed over them. Bertholdt screamed again. The titan had torn him in half, blood dripping from its maw. No..NO!! 

“Bertholdt!!” Reiner yelled trying to make his way to the titan. He had to, he needed to, no, this wasn’t happening! Several soldiers held him back as he screamed out for his childhood friend. His partner. His lover. “Bertholdt!!”

The pain was excruciating. He pushed at the titan’s hand to no avail. The attempts to heal were in vain. Oh God, he didn’t want to die! He could hear Jean doing his part. Just a little more Marco. This had to happen. He started to panic. He screamed one last time as blunt teeth ripped into his torso before falling limp in his firm grip. Almost over, almost. He could taste the blood on his tongue as it spilled from his lips. 

Then he heard it. The sweet, sweet sound of his name on his lover’s lips. He sounded so far away. Turning his head he saw horrified golden orbs staring back at him. His name shouted once more. A faint smile graced his lips as he reached towards Reiner. Another sharp pain and then peace.

A deafening wail left the Gentle Titan’s throat as it stumbled about. It whined and whimpered clawing at its eyes. Jean held on tight as he shouted reassurance, ready to cut Marco free if needed.

Marco heard none of it. His eyes snapped wide open as he was overwhelmed with sadness and guilt. Bertholdt’s memories flooded through him as still shots flashed before his eyes. The sorrow was stifling; he couldn’t breathe. 

-Children fighting each other, beating each other down, “Get up Hoover! Again!”  
-A small smiling blond boy offering his hand to help him up.  
-“Don’t cry Bertl. I’ve got you.”  
\- Visions of a titan chasing them down, devouring a comrade.  
-“You can do this Bertl. Me and you together.”  
\- Glaring down over the Wall Maria   
-Crying, sobbing, horrendous guilt.  
-First kiss, stolen glances, sacred touches, love  
-“stay” “ok”  
-Training, new friends, new objective, old mission, warriors not soldiers  
-“What mission, what are you talking about?”  
-Heartbreak, despair, jealousy, rage, hurt  
-“You betrayed us all! How could you do this to me, to us?!”  
-“Y-you don’t remember, do you? Do you even love me anymore?”  
-“How could anyone love a traitor like you?”

The titan sank to its knees. Gripping its hair, it yelled mournfully. “NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Marco! Marco, come on! Let it go. You have to come out!” Jean screamed. “Don’t leave me here again damn you! He did this for you! Bertholdt died for you, don’t waste it! Marco PLEASE!!! I need you!!” Jean cried. 

Marco’s titan fell to the ground. “Jean!!!! Jean, help me!!!” The back of the titans neck bulged as Marco fought to get out. Jean hacked at the tough flesh until Marco spilled out into his arms. Weak and unresponsive his head lolled against Jean’s chest.

“Marco, Marco look at me. Marco open your eyes.” Jean shifted him so he was cradled against him. “Marco, you’re free now. You did it.” He stroked his freckled cheek his tears dotting his brow. “Marco, open your eyes you freckled pain in my ass.” The most beautiful brown eyes he had ever seem opened briefly before squeezing shut. 

“Too bright.” He rasped, burying his face into Jean’s chest. Jean wept openly, choking back his happiness. ‘You did it Bertl. You fucking did it.’

“Everything hurts.” Marco muttered.

“It’s ok babe. I’ll take care of you.” Jean clung a little tighter. “Never letting you go again.” Connie and Sasha sprinted around the Gentle Titans steaming remains. Jean directed them to the cave Marco was holed up in to gather their equipment.

Sasha ran over with a bundle in her arms. “Here, figured he could use this, because, you know.” She blushed. It was then that Jean noticed that Marco was naked.

“Thanks.” He unfolded the rolled up trench coat and wrapped it around Marco. He fingered the lapel thoughtfully. ‘Bertholdt.’

“Jean.” Marco whispered. “What happened? How did I get like that?”

Jean shook his head, “I don’t know, Marco. I don’t know how it happened. I-I thought you were dead, that I lost you forever. I saw your—“ Jean couldn’t finish, burying his face in Marco’s hair.

Connie appeared at his back, swords drawn. “Jean.” There was a warning in his voice. Sasha at his side. Jean raised his head and slowly reached into the side of his boot, tucking the dagger Bertholdt had given him in his hand blade close to his arm. His body tensed around Marco.

Marco shifted in his arms, his eyes connecting with angry golden orbs. Reiner stood a foot away from them. His hands white knuckled into tight fists; his jaw clenching. He shifted his gaze to Jean briefly, assessing. Recognizing something familiar in Jean’s hard glare he glanced back to Marco. 

‘Welcome back, Marco. Don’t squander the gift you’ve been given.”

“Could have said the same to you Reiner.” Marco challenged.

Regret flashed in his eyes before his hard mask fell back into place, nodding curtly he walked away.

“Is he going to be a problem?” Marco questioned sitting up to shrugged into Bertholdt’s duster.

Jean helped him up onto his shaky legs. Marco slipped his hand into one of the pockets and pulled out a small metal ring. Jean took it and place it on one of his freckled fingers. “No, he’s not. When you’re stronger I have a few things to show you. All of you.”

“No, like this.” Jean repeated the move for Sasha. She mimicked him and then went on the attack. “Good.”

Marco watched them from a distance fiddling with ring around his finger, flipping it open and closed absently. The black duster was a part of him now. He had sown a couple of Survey Corps patches on it refusing to take it off in exchange for the regular uniform. Where it was a bit short on its original owner it fit him perfectly.

He hummed softly. Lost in thought sometimes it was hard to distinguish which were his memories and which were Bertholdt’s.

“That use to be his favorite song.” The gruff voice came from behind startling him back to the present.

Marco glanced over his shoulder then back at Jean. “Yeah. He sang it a couple of times.”

“He sang for you?” Marco nodded as Reiner took a seat next to him. “I always told him he had the voice of an angel and would beg him to sing for me.”

Marco remembered the sadness behind the words and the heartfelt way they were sung. “He never stopped loving you.”

“I know.”

“You broke his heart.”

“I know.” 

“Thank you.”

Reiner’s brows pulled together his eyes rimmed with tears, he huffed a breathy laugh. “You’re welcome.”

“I don’t plan on throwing this in your face forever.” Marco stood. “Just until it stops hurting.” Tapping his temple, he strode away towards where the others were training. Jean smiled and laughed as he was caught in a bear hug and swung around.

Marco’s eyes met Reiner’s once more. Reiner stood and nodded in acknowledgement. It was the least he deserved after leaving Bertholdt behind.  
Making his way towards the other trainees he decided to make himself useful. “You guys are doing great, but let me show you what Bertholdt didn’t get the chance to.”

**Author's Note:**

> There were several songs that inspired this story. 'Human' by Christina Perry. 'Run to You' by Pentatonix was the song Bertholdt sang. 
> 
> I liked the idea of Marco being the Gentle Titan, that and i just have hard time with Marco being dead..i have issues, i know. 
> 
> anywho, thank you for reading.
> 
> Besitos!


End file.
